And So I Relapse

Cinco De Mayo

2006-05-06T04:17:02Z

Just got back from Concert de Mayo aka the tour that includes Fall Out Boy, All American Rejects, from First to last, and HAWTHORNE HEIGHTS baby!!! ya they fucking rock! everyone totally fuckin rocked out....we had floor seats...hell yea bitch....someone was smoking put though i think i got a whiff of it for me to be in this mood after midnight

Im at Alexis' house watching Degrassi and trying to make since of what a fuckin great night this was...I even saw Bri there...she actually said hi to me and gave me a hug... i was in shock..we havent talked since december we took about 5 minutes to catch up..and i even saw eric there...wut a drag..were still not talking he is being an ass as usual but i admitt i feel like a whore...i went from him to david to corey (who was cheating on me) and now with jordan...i mean i really like him and i have a feeling that this isnt just gonna be a little two week thing like the rest of them and i kno i say this about everyone but this time its for real i just find it hard being tied down over the summer at least he isnt a year older than me coz if it was that case i would barely get to see him next year.

well back to talking about the concert: The All american rejects probably rocked out the best but i am in LOVE with Hawthorne Heights I bought two shirts which im gonna wear this week and i actually put make up tonight (not my favorite thing to do) but it was light and I looked pretty (bri even said so) me = Tiired *yawn* damn im gonna sleep now

If Only You Were Lonely

2006-04-11T20:23:17Z

Me and david broke up about a week ago for obvious reasons. I am still in love with eric and from my knowledge he still likes me.........i dont know what's going on but I'm single and some how managing to deal. At least my rep as a whore went down. I do admit that I am one. Probably one of the biggest ones ranked amoungst Carlee and Kassie but there my friends now. Uggh invasion of the preppy people and yet I find my self wearing Hollister and Aero...am I becoming one too?

I'm now in counseling for cutting myself. I go to see this later for hour sessions every other day. She must really think I have a big problem if I have to see her every other day. At least I get to skip out on 1 1/2 periouds. I usually schedule them for F&CS (becuase I know I can live without that) and some of math ( everyone wishes they can get out of that)

did I mention that i slapped eric too? yea we're not talking but somehow we managed to get in a fight so I slapped him. Then Mimi pulled me out of 5th period and we skipped together. We went to one of the bathroom's and wrote all this shit about him on the wall's in blue sharpie. Alas, my teacher didn't care. She thought I was in guidance for yet about counsling session (I use that as excuses to skip class) and I don't even need a pass anymore to get there. If someone stops us we'll just say we got called down to guidance. But now I have to skip by myself becuase Mimi got caught on one of the day's that I couldn't. What a good friend...she didn't rat on me becuase snitches get Stitches.

Bite Me

2006-03-25T19:31:09Z

Life is soo screwed right now....
Here are the reasons why:

1. Eric broke up with me
2. I didn't know why so I blamed my self
3. I started to cut my wrists again because of it
4. 3 days later David asked me out
5. I said yes
6. On Monday Jason was having problems with Amber.
7. He cut his wrists and found out about how me,mimi,chelsea, and carlee do it.
8. I promised david i would stop.
9. Jason and everyone turned their ack on eric for calling us emo.
10. On tuesday guidance called my house and told my parents and jasons
11. On Thursday Jason asked Chelsea out..she said yes.
12. Last night I went to the rinks and though David was gonna be there.
13. he got mad because he thought i was there with another guy
14. i was actually there with amber,allie,and kelly who straightened things out for me.
15. by the end of the week i was screaming someone stab a dagger through my back i want to die.

i cry...........

umm yeahh

2006-03-07T23:42:43Z

havent been on here in a long time my comp is broke if it wasnt i wouldnt have stayed awaway so long so to make a long story short here is an update: Jason and I broke up the day of the dance then me and jose hooked up along with various others like matt and carlee who broke up 3 days before me and jose did. we were dating for about a month. and just recently last week a long time crush eric asked me out so now we are a happy couple. and jason now goes out with ambber so all of us are like the 4 amigos and everyone knows who we are. there is a really funny story behind me and eric hooking up...one that takes a long time because it all happened over winter vacation. way too long to explain.im like a total rock maiac now and very preppy too.

joey is pissing me off beyond belief. he hasnt talked to me in like forever and yesterday he said he doesnt even kno me ne more and today he has the nerve to listen to my conversation with milena...idiot....well whatever let him be that way...

Toodles and much love till I get a new computer for now I have to use my sisters,
Ash

Heart Broken - Once Again

2006-01-03T18:55:14Z

As you might have told from my previous entries i was mad at jason. And today i broke up with him. I dont't know what else there is to say. I guess that I'm sad about it. really hurt. But I have to do what I think is best for me. And that was to break up with him. I still love him. but that love is only as a friend now..

Now I am going to lock myself in my room and listen to some goth rock music.

A little late with this one

2006-01-02T19:40:21Z

by limitedbythesky

Alvita's LJ New Year Party (Now At Least 26% Politically Correct!)

Started : 01st January 2006 02:42:28 AM

Ended : 01st January 2006 01:56:41 PM

Alco Money! : $ 340

Guests of Honour

happlessfool is an evil Fundementalist Christian who makes Idi Amin look like a frustrated baby who hasn't been winding before bo-bo. happlessfool decided to not drink because of their religious beliefs.
sweet_misery712 is a resentful Hindu. sweet_misery712 drank 16 Poteens.
rasta_vibration is a sexually repressed Liberal Christian. rasta_vibration drank 2 Vodkas, 1 Cider.
gmrdx is a psychotic Taoist and is considering ditching their day job in order to become a professional Yard O' Aler who keeps a tally of how many people they've led to suicide on MSN. gmrdx drank 1 Everclear.
greyillusions is an unfortunate Liberal Christian and a borderline alcoholic. greyillusions drank 1 Coffee Liqueur.
bottom_line is a fanciful Buddhist. bottom_line drank 10 Everclears.
xxkissintherain is a bewildered Wiccan. xxkissintherain drank 11 Sambuccas, 2 White Wines, 1 Irish Cream, 1 Champagne.
midnightbay is a morose Agnostic. midnightbay drank 10 Poteens, 3 Bloody Marys, 1 Lager.
Alvita is a depressed Muslim. Alvita drank 10 Hot Toddys, 3 Cosmopolitans, 1 Champagne, 1 Absinthe, 1 Stout.
nancyd is an overwrought Hindu. nancyd drank 9 Pilsners, 2 Champagnes, 2 Vodkas, 1 Brandy.
nextstephm is a rosy Muslim. nextstephm drank 5 Pilsners.
aftersix is a low-spirited Taoist and a prolific barfer, particularly at parties such as this. aftersix drank 1 Sambucca.

Sick!

Clean up at Alvita's place! Urgh bejesus man, there's soup pieces in this barfpile! Fucking ell theres 7 of them!

Fights

A huge fight broke out between happlessfool and xxkissintherain after the former was reportedly sodomised xxkissintherain with The Bible.

Lovers

And the cat is finally out of the bag! aftersix and happlessfool have announced that they are deeply in love and that a wedding is planned in the New Year.

The Drunkest

Oh Alvita! You make Alex Higgins look dry! You sultry fellow thou!

Random Events

Out of nowhere, sweet_misery712 stood up, gave a nazi salute and shouted "My nipples are as arid as the Sahara, baybee!"

gmrdx and happlessfool were on the edge of a punch-up after happlessfool called gmrdx a balding greasy bastard with hungry head lice!

Happy New Year!

Do you believe in all of that New Years Resolution shit? If not, celebrate the New Year as you mean to go on with the ultimate new years party from hell!

Enter your name below to experience the ultimate in complete useless bollocks!

Just decided to talk my anger out on this quiz.

Shut your eyes

2006-01-02T17:15:23Z

So effin make me feel like shit
Think I give a f**ck?
Coz I have already moved on
Already found someone new
Someone who could treat me
A hell lot better than you
And all those times you said you loved me
I sit at night and think
was this a way to get my heart
or was this is a way to make it sink?

You may right now be experiencing a side of me that I have never put in this journal. I haven't written a poem since last year. Not even for school. Not one that can pour out my feelings while my heart splits open onto the floor. So I must warn you becuase for the next couple of days a parental adviseery is up for my poems. For explict content of the meaning of true feelings. And what it feels like to get your heart broken by someone who you could actually love.

2-0-0-6!!!!

2006-01-01T17:07:07Z

My plans didn't work so well last night. It was that I was gonna stay on the phone with Jason until New years Eve. I called him at 7 got off the phone with him at 730. Went on AIM at about 8 and got off at about 11. So It was one hour to 2006 and the last words I said to him was Happy New Years. See this may seem all good but in reality it is actually not. Our conversation lasted VERY long and he found out things that he never knew about me. Like bands that I like and all that kind of stuff. So I have been dating him for almost 2 1/2 months now and he doesn't even know half the things I like. It's kind of weird. How I can say I love him and he can say he loves me and we both have this deep feeling for eachother when we don't even know the littlest things about each other. I'm feeling very bored of it anyway. Like I may sound so fricken prissy but is this is suppose to be love why am I bored?? I mean I do care for him a lot but is it really love?

But besides that I watched the MTV bringing in the New Year's of music thing. I don't think it was that good partly becuase it didn't have a theme like last year's did. But the calabration between the All American rejects and Fall Out Boy was great!!! Real awesome. I hope they come here on tour so I can buy some tickets. I also like the way the show ended. With a great performance by Common. One of my favorite freestyle rappers. It was co-hosted by Steven of Laguna Beach!!! which, the advertisements with him on it, made my watch MTV in the first place. With out him I would have been tuning into ABC watching Regis sing with some other people.

Anyways: HAPPY 2006!!!!

New Years Eve

2005-12-31T21:42:51Z

I watched some of Smackdown last night. The new story line is that Milena was raped by Batista. Funny. The smackdown whore raped by the World Heavy Weight champion. I get a kick out of that one. Good way to being in the ratings though. Vince did a good job on that one. Batista and Rey are not the Tag Team Champs anymore. I guess we all saw that one coming. I knew it wasn't gonna last long. It was by and interference from Mark Henry.

Rented Degrassi season one last night. Didn't get to finish it all though. Some of my favorite episodes are on there. I'm watching Coach Carter tonight. Very happy about that. Also very happy about getting the first season of Laguna Beach.

I'm going over Alexis' later to see the new Geico. Then coming home to get hyped up and talk to Jason on the phone as always!

Happy new years!

Just Breathe

2005-12-30T21:10:16Z

So as you can see I have a new layout. Took me about this whole entire week to finally make some and picked what I liked. Very picky. The journal was under construction for a while. As was the myspace but only for a day until I found the right music for it.

I swear I am taking no more promises from Kelly. she is really pissing me off. She makes promises to me and Jason and she can't keep them. Plus I found out that she does have a crush on Jose. I'm not going to say anything to her and it's not like I realyl care but I just can't fathom the fact that she kept it from me. She seriously has some sharing her feelings problems. But I can't blame her. She has been off this month. Her first Christmas with out her brother. She went to his tombstone yesterday and she said she held back from crying. That's crazy. Your brother is dead. I would cry.

All this week was winter break. And while Shannon was in Vernon and Jason basically over David's, I was left alone watching my nephew Dylan. It was fun though. The week past by very quickly. I downloaded some songs from two of my CDs onto my iPod. And I played some Raw vs Smackdown 06, GM mode on David's PSP. I am really getting the hang of it.

Tomorrrow's is New Years eve. I am very happy about that as well. If Shannon comes back tonight she will be over here to spend it with me.

Happy Holidays

2005-12-25T20:32:50Z

Merry Christmas everyone!!! or happy holidays....either one.

Jason and I made up. It wasn't a fight just a break so now we are back together. I've been spending all my time on my iPod. I downloaded 22 songs already. This thing is really gonna make me deaf.

Well not much else to say so I'll write tomorrow. Again, Merry Christmas.

On The Rocks

2005-12-23T21:10:46Z

That's the only way to express my relationship with Jason. He bought me this necklace for Christmas. I really like it. It's a heart with diamonds. It's real nice. But even though I still love him other things get in the way.........

like Jose..............
........................
Who I now know likes me..........
.................
and who I gave a hug to at the end of the day
.........accidently
infront of.................

JASON!

The Worst Feeling Ever

2005-12-20T21:52:27Z

Well I think I know that when I'm crying non stop all yesterday it is the worst feeling I've ever felt. Jason did it. He opened my eyes. He held another girls hand. He didn't mean it. But I love him so much........why don't i trust him........he asked me that......he asked me if I knew how much he loved me and i said:

No

Today was a drag

2005-12-16T20:53:51Z

Even though it is Friday today like really sucked. I found myself plauged by emotional thoughts. IT was the same as I was last night: Went in the room,turned up heater to full blast, and play some soothing yet loud goth/metal music. I suppose it is becuase everything in my life is okay right now. not perfect becuase perfect is never to be used in the same sentence with world. Wow that is really depressing. I think I need to bang my head against the wall. STOP BEING DEPRESSED!

So I keep having this reoccruing dream, well only when i can remember what i dreamt about. It's not the same dream everytime. It just has the same meaning. It's that Sebastian comes back and we're like the best of friends. Nothing big or anything it's just that I am not obssesed with him I just really think he is coming back. I miss him. I am the only one that talks about him but that doesn't mean I am obssesed. And these dreams have to mean something. It's just he came back the last night and I am almost positive he will come back this time. He has too. He can't leave me. Not now. He was my bestfriend. More than Kelly or Shannon has ever been. Of course I never told him everything in my life but that really isn't what a bestfriend is to me. I just need to talk to him. Hear is voice. Worse thing is that I think I might still have feelings for him. I care about him so much and it won't fade away.

I still love Jason and all but if Sebastian did ever come back it would really change things. I don't know what is more iportant. Jason or sebastian. Past or present love?

My Layout and life

2005-12-15T21:16:33Z

Okay thanks Jejea so much for the header to my layout your the best!!

So some updates her...Christmas is coming so of course I will have my holiday icons up. But anyway unfortuantely Shannon and David broke up. It wasn't even two weeks but they are over. I couldn't belive it. Shannon said she was over it but I really think she is in denial or something. But me and Jason are fine thank goodness. We have even been kissing and having these really serious conversations but the good thing is that they don't get really serious. At the end he can always make me laugh.

I miss Charmed. It is on holiday break and without it I am stuck to my soap operas. I've gotten back into watching Days of Our lives and its just wonderful. Some very bitchy and still angelus characters. Very funny though. But all my shows are going on season break. Like AMNTM which I am so happy about Nicole winning =). I wanted her to win fromthe beginning. GREAT JOB NICOLE!!!!

Tommy Lee.......My dream Rocker boyfriend!

2005-12-04T02:23:22Z

Tommy Lee Shares Your Taste in Music

If I seriously was old enough I would date and screw Tommy Lee. He is soooo effin sexy. He also shares my taste in music as u can see. So i have this very long story to share. Me and Jason had a big fight. It was very confusing. We both had to sort a lot of things out between us and really didn't know how. There was so much to say. At the end he found out how much I really loved him and I found out the same thing about him. So the next day and hugged me and hung out with me and he did the same thing the day after that. But that same day I found out my older sister use to go out with his older brother and the reason why they broke up was because he cheated on her. So I am even more confused but I'm gonna stay focused. I need to stay focused becuase at the end of this week will be our one month and I have something very special planned. Oh yeah I hooked dave and shannon up. Me so proud of myself.

So angry but really depressed =(

2005-11-29T21:00:14Z

As you can see my journal looks really freky right now but don't worry I am trying to get it fixed....

I saw the eppy of Charmed a couple nights ago. Very sad but I didn't cry. Piper and Leo are the ultimate couple but Cole and Phoebe will always stay in my heart. It is sad though. he was such an important character to the show and he has been taken away. I thought Phoebe would at least be crying thogh. She just blew a kiss. I guess through after all the pain she has gone threw....

Speaking of pain : Jason invited me to Burger King today. It was like our first date. I cam because he told me to come. But he totally disses me. He said hi and sat with two girls from the 8th grade. ONE I DONT EVEN LIKE! he left with out even saying goodbye. ITS OVER. calling him tonite and its over and done with. i am tired of it.

Don't Forget to wash the dishes

2005-11-26T18:12:12Z

lol. I was just to listening to the Mariah Carey song so I made up a remix. I didn't go over Melissa's house yesterday. I went to go get Lil Dyl a present. A big one tooo. Will's father kept telling him Santa was gonna bring him one so we had to get it.

Jason got surgery so he could breeath better. YEAH!!!!

My relatiopnship Quizzes

2005-11-25T16:16:09Z

Your Ideal Relationship is Casual Dating

Maybe you're looking for love...
But mostly you're looking for fun.
You could get serious with the right person.
For now, though, you're enjoying playing the field.

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

Your Seduction Style: Fantasy Lover

You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you!
Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter.
You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you.

You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorable
Even a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's life
By giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover.

Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives.
Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours.
No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

Your Kissing Purity Score: 54% Pure

For you, kissing isn't a casual thing

Lip to lip action makes your heart sing

Kissing Purity Test

Your Heart Is Blue

Love is a doing word for you. You know it's love when you treat each other well.
You are a giving lover, but you don't give too much. You expect something in return.

Your flirting style: Friendly

Your lucky first date: Lunch at an outdoor cafe

Your dream lover: Is both generous and selfish

What you bring to relationships: Loyalty

What Color Heart Do You Have?

A lot of quizzes. Not much to do. Getting ready to go over Alexis' house for about 3 hours to see the baby while Dave and Alyssa go to Thomas's. Then going up to Melissa's house probably for some dinner. Finally gonna come home and chat on the phone a bit. When I am done with that I might as well watch a movie. Busy day and I like it!

Am I In Love?

2005-11-24T15:35:11Z

How You Are In Love

You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often.

You give completely and unconditionally in relationships.

You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.

You're secretly hoping your partner will change for you.

You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

I guess this quiz kind of prooves how vulnerable i can be to love. I guess I do fall fast and hard with anyone. And that is why I hate realtionships. I want to be so loyal and keep loving them and I am very attached to them but yet when i get around someone else I start to like them too. Maybe I should just try my hardest to stick to Jason and forget about everyone else. That is it. I forget about Jose and Kevin and just stick to him. He does love me after all. I think I love him back too. He is like a bestfriend to me. But what is if that is all we are? bestfriends. But we care so much about eachother. It is so hard to know.

Too many People!!!!

2005-11-23T21:41:29Z

People People People
Boys boys boys
love love love
heart heart heart
why why why
pretty pretty pretty
little little little
lies lies lies

I do think that the little poem above describes me. From what I understand Kevin might like me. So my realtionship might be ruined if I realize that after me nd his long friendship I do have actual feelings for him. I did once before but I tried to shake it off only becuase of Kirk. Now I think I still have feelings for Jose but I don't really know how. See he might go out with a once girlfriend of his or he might not. I wanted to know if he did so I then figured out that I could ask his sister who I am friends with. Really weird that I just thought of that now and not sooner. Blonde moment. And this dude Kevin is really cool. Besides the constant flirting with me Brandon always seems to have somehting up his sleeve and it always reverts back to me and Kevin. But Brandon is known as a lier as well becuase now he doesn't have Carlee so h is trying to get attention from me. So who do I chose and how? I don't know.

Too Busy

2005-11-22T21:56:06Z

So I had my quiz today. I hope I did alright. Tomorrow 1 test one quiz. So much work. And plus I am doing all these different favors that I do for people. I want sometime to focus on myslef and just myself but I really think that is impossible. But I think it is right for time to myself. The holiday is coming up and I think this would be a good time. But it is also a time for giving too and I don't think I gave enough. I would to be good and clean and respectful and I think I am trying to be someone I am not. I can't be the old sassy Ashley any more though. It could get me into a lot of trouble. Probably another fight. I don't want that to happen again. I can't.

So I had this weird dream last night. My school was next to this perfect school. I was going on a field trip and by accident took a wrong turn so I ended up spending the whole day at the other 'perfect' school's feild trip. I thought it was a really nice school. The principle gave me a tour and she said my records look clean but my parent's don't have enough money to send me there. But then she said if I past a test she gave me then I could have a scholarsip. The end of the dream i ended up starting to take the test. And then it ended.

I think I am so focused with getting into a good school like Notre Dame that my social life doesn't affect me right now. I think it tells me if I focus on school more I can do anything I want. I hope that is what it is telling me becuase that is my goal that is what I want to acheive.

I don't like this pie!

2005-11-21T21:46:54Z

You Are Lemon Meringue Pie

You're the perfect combo of sassy and sweet
Those who like you have well refined tastes

What Kind of Pie Are You?

i took the test above and I hate the pie they give me. I hate lemons and I don't drink lemonaide so why give me this pie? I don't know.

So as you can see by journal is all 'Bonesified' iweee that really doesn't sound right but I will stick with it anyway. My icons are so bone-a-licous. Iwee that didn't sound right either. Enough of the words Bone. Oh I found this cool site where I can make graphics for free. So I downloaded it and am making some pretty cool icons. But I am only a beginner but my Prue icon came out really good. I will post it once I get the code too.

Tomorrow I have a quiz for algebra then I have a science test on Wednesday. No projects so far this marking period and I hope it stays that way.

Viva La raza!!!

2005-11-20T18:15:20Z

I only said that because I added some pics of Eddie to my myspace in remembrace of him. It makes me said seeing those pics but it makes me happy knowing his legacy and what a great wrestler he is. I also know his family is taking it 10x harder than all his fans. Family includes all the WWE superstars past and present. Also alive.

Some not a long entrance not a short one just a tribute to eddie. It's been a week today and we are still missing him forever and ever. oh yeah lemme give a couple of shouts:

Eddie & fans:"Viva La Raza"
Jason: I love you so much
Eric: wur you said to Kirk on Friday was funny but cold.
Kelly: Can't wait till the movies next week.
Allie: Go get ur man!

Goodnight but its morning

2005-11-19T15:02:47Z

Looking at people's myspaces I found that even the alpies have em so I am not so dumb for making one. I don't think they will add me though becuase they don't know me. I try not to associate with them. Not like they aren't cool or nuttin it's just that sometimes I get jealous but I'm sure that if I try they could be my friends. Like the other day I was around Christina who is in the alps and we had to write this 12 bar blues song for exp. music and she wanted to write about shopping. That was so cool becuase she is just so normal. you would never know that she is smarter than everyone.

So I was on the computer with Jason for like an hour last night after I got back from Target. We just kept talking about things and it felt so cool. This relationship will last a long time. We are going to the movies next week and I am thinking about either seeing Pride&prejudice or some other movie. But I am getting money so I might as well take advantage of it.It feels so good to be in a relationship with someone that I really really like becuase it feels like you can share anything with them and you want to share everything. You think about them all the time and it is so overwhelming. I just feel so happy.

Going shoppping today. Getting a new sweatshirt. Winter is coming and over here it is soo cold. Plus I have like no long sleeves so I really need it. Getting my iPod for Christmas btw. It is about time. I have been waiting for it for so long and now they are actually gonna buy it for me. Oh yeah and Shannon almost got raped on Thursday.

It was a half of day and the tradition is that everyone goes to the local burger king after school. So my mom dropped me and Shannon off there and she told us to walk home. So we met Kelly there and she was suppose to get a ride home with her sister but her sister left early. Then all this stuff started to happen and people started to get kicked out so we just left. We walked Kelly to her house and then Shannon came back to my house with me just to chill. Kelly called us and said her binder was missing and Shannon realized she had it and Kelly wasn't home she was at Karen's so Shannon had to go bring it over there. While she walked over there someone came up to her said some really nasty things to her and asked her to come with him. She said no and ran away. It was pretty scary but now shannon put a report in and the police are searching for this guy. I feel so bad for her.